White Bean Chicken Chili

With a big nor'easter rolling into the neighborhood, I thought today would be a good day for something hot, filling, and flavorful. I adapted this recipe from one by Ellie Krieger at Food Network. I've changed a few things to align with the ingredients I had available and to reduce the carbohydrate content. The original recipe called for poblanos, but my local Shaw's stinks and they only had cubanelles. It also called for hominy and celery, but I just removed them from the recipe because of the carbs and the stringyness of the celery (not great for stomachs recovering from surgery.)

The result is a flavorful, aromatic, chili that's high on satisfaction. Even with the lightly thickened chicken broth, this is more of a stew than a soup in consistency, and there's plenty to chew on with the beans, chicken, and veggies. The cubanelles did what I believe the poblanos were supposed to do: Add a lot of flavor and just a hint of heat. I took Ms. Krieger's suggestion and served it with a couple tablspoons of plain fat free GReek yogurt and I was impressed by the flavor similarity to the less-nutritious sour cream. If you want to lower the fat a little further, I suggest you use ground turkey, as in the original recipe, but I find ground turkey a bit gamey for my taste.

White Bean Chicken Chili

1 T. Olive Oil
1 Medium onion, diced
2 Cubanelle peppers, seeded and diced
3 Cloves Garlic, minced
1.5 t. Cumin
3/4 t. Coriander
1/4 t. Cayenne pepper (or to taste)
1 t. Oregano
1 lb. Ground Chicken (or turkey, I prefer chicken)
4 C. Reduced Fat, Reduced Sodium Chicken Broth
2 20 oz. Cans Canellini Beans
S&P to taste
4 T. Cilantro, minced

In a large pan, cook cubanelle peppers and onion until soft. Add garlic, cumin, coriander, and cayenne and cook an additional minute. Add ground chicken and cook through before adding oregano, chicken broth, and half to two-thirds of the beans. In a small bowl, mash the rest of the beans with a fork. Add the mashed beans to the pan, cover, and cook on medium-low for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add salt and pepper to taste and additional cayenne, if desired. Serve with a sprinkling of minced cilantro.

Yield: 6 servings of 1.5 C. each

According to the recipe caculator at sparkrecipes.com, the stats on this round out as follows: Calories 270, Total Fat 10.2 g, Cholesterol 86.7 mg, Sodium 554.4 mg, Total Carbs 23.9 g, Dietary Fiber 6.2 g, Protein 22.3 g.

Head Colds, Snow Storms, and General Malaise

I must apologize for the relative quiet on the blog recently. I came down with a nasty head cold on December 21st (the Friday before Christmas) and have spent most of the past week sleeping or becoming one with my couch. To be perfectly candid, it has really sucked.

Now that I'm starting to clear the fog of both surgery and being sick, I'm looking around my house and realizing that a) my kitchen is an unholy mess, and b) we are rather short on real food. Between me being on mushy proteins and liquids and my wife working 60+ hours a week recently, neither of us has been eating or cooking much. In an effort to change this trend, I am up early this morning to head to the grocery store for a few things ahead of the 3"-9" of snow they say we may be getting in the next 18 hours. Beans have been working really well for as a protein source and I'm now cleared to start on soft cooked fruits and veggies, so I have in mind a batch of white chili, made with ground chicken and poblano peppers. I'm also eyeing a recipe I ran accross in a hand-me-down Gourmet magazine called Salmon Rillettes. It's essentially a salmon dip or spread, but since I'm not eating carbs at the moment, I'm thinking it would be lovely on some hot house cucumbers or folded into an egg white or two for a protein packed mini omelette.

On that note, I've got my reuseable bags and my big floppy wool hat and I'm off to the market. Check back in the next day or so for yumminess!

Week One - Italian Style Chicken Meatballs

I made it through the first week! After a ridiculous amount of fluids, I saw the surgeon and nutritionist this morning and was cleared to begin solid foods again! Woo! My first "meal" was an ounce of low fat sharp cheddar cheese (natch, cheese obsessed as I am.) This evening, however, I'm finally venturing back into the kitchen for something other than popsicles! To celebrate, I've written a new recipe for Italian style chicken meatballs. I did my best to give them loads of flavor without adding loads of fat and carbs and I think I (mostly) succeeded.

Italian Style Chicken Meatballs

• 1 lb. Ground Chicken
• 1 Egg
• .25 C. (scant) Italian Bread Crumbs, plus a little for sprinkling
• 1 t. Basil, crushed
• 2 t. Mrs. Dash Garlic & Herb
• 1/3 C. Grated Parmeggiano Cheese
• .25 t. Salt
• Olive Oil

Preheat oven to 350F. Combine everything except the olive oil in a large bowl, using a fork to ensure even mixing. On a baking sheet lined with no-stick foil, portion out the ground meat mixture with a 1" scoop. Sprinkle the tops of each meatball with a tiny bit of bread crumbs and spray lightly with olive oil.

Bake until the interior of the meatballs measure 165F (about 8-10 minutes.) Remove from oven and allow to rest 2-3 minutes. Serve with your favorite marinara sauce and pasta.

Yield: approx. 30 meatballs

According to sparkrecipes.com, the nutritional values (per meatball and not including sauce) is: Calories 36.1, Total Fat 2.0 g, Cholesterol 19.2 mg, Sodium 84.8 mg, Total Carbs 1.1 g, Dietary Fiber 0.1 g, Protein 3.4 g.



Home Again

I was discharged from the hospital around 6:30pm last night. The ride home wasn't too bad because I had taken a pain med at 5:00, but the bumps and short stops of traffc in our city at rush hour were No. Fun. In fact the entire surgery and post-surgical recovery are No. Fun. Lots of pain, lots of nausea, lots of getting up and walking around even with the pain and nausea. I have 5 incisions and they all have a bunch of nasty bruising next to them, but I feel much better today (my first full day at home) than I even did yesterday, which gives me hope that every day will be better.

I've been pretty good so far about getting in all the required clear fluids. Propel grape has become a favorite so far. :) The "full fluids" (pudding, yogurt, etc.) has been harder to stay on top of and spacing it out w/the iron supplements has been tricky. The iron supplements have to be taken with an hour on either side of anything containing dairy, which I totally forgot about this morning. But it's a learning process, right?

Last night wasn't too bad, but I'm still very sore and achey. I was up approximately every 2 hours and tried to get in at least 3-5 minutes of walking around the house each time. Preventing DVTs is sort of  major priority for me right now. :)

Ok...I'm to take my foggy brain on a little walk around the house and then I'm taking a nap.

Today's The Day!

Well, my fingers and toes have been scrubbed of nail polish, I've showered 3 times with the antimicrobial soap, and I haven't eaten or drank since midnight. We are on our way into the hospital now in the pouring rain. Registration is at 9:00 am, surgery at noon. Time to change my life!

The Final 48 Hours

I'm in the final 48 hours before surgery. Woo! (sorta) It's been relatively sedate so far...did a little bookkeeping work this morning; getting the laundry done and cleaning the house this evening (I took a nap in the afternoon.)

The surgical prep has entered it's final stage and since a picture is worth 1,000 words, how's about a 2,000 word summary? My weekend in 2 images:

 

 

Enough said? Yeah, I thought so. ;)

Tom Kar Comfort

Whenever I get sick or feel like hell, the only thing I want to eat is Tom Kar (aka Tom Kha Gai) soup. It's a light, fragrant, chicken soup flavored with lemon grass, Kaffir lime leaves, coconut milk, cilantro, and galangal. The local Thai restaurant serves it with chunks of mushrooms, chicken breast, and scallions but it's mostly the flavorful broth that I loooove. It's just the perfect comfort food...warm, fragrant, redolent with the scent of lime leaves and cilantro. Mmm...

Before I get to the recipe, a few words about lime leaves and galangal. Lime leaves (sometimes called "Kaffir" limes leaves) are tough, shiny leaves possessing an immense burst of citrus scent and flavor. The flavor really cannot be substituted, so it's definitely worth the effort to find some. If none of the grocers in your area carry them, you can buy them online here. They freeze beautifully, too. Galangal root can usually be found cleaned, sliced, and frozen at an international grocery store. It's a rhizome, like ginger, but with a very different flavor that combines notes of bitter, sour, and spicy and does not have as sharp a bite as ginger. If you manage to find it in its fresh form, prepare it for use in recipes the same way you would with ginger - scrape off the tender peel and slice, mince, or grate.

Tom Kha Gai (Thai Chicken Soup)

• 4 C. Low Fat, Low Sodium Chicken Broth
• 1 Stalk Lemon Grass
• 2-4 Lime Leaves, torn in pieces
• 1" Chunk Galangal Root, sliced thinly
• 2-5 Red Thai Chiles, sliced in half and seeded
• 8 oz. Chicken Breast (boneless/skinless), cubed in bite-sized pieces
• 0.5 C. Dried Shiitake Mushrooms
• 0.75-1 C. Coconut Milk
• 4 T. Fish Sauce (optional)
• 3 T. Minced Cilantro
• 2 t. Fresh Lime Juice

Place dried mushrooms in a small bowl and cover with boiling water. Allow mushrooms to steep for about 10 minutes and then drain, discarding the water. While the mushrooms are soaking, cut lemon grass stalk into 4 even pieces and, using a studded meat tenderizing mallet (or the back of a heavy knife), beat the heck out of it. You really want to bruise it up and tenderize the tough stalk to release the flavor.

In a medium pan, combine chicken broth, lemon grass, lime leaves, fish sauce, and galangal root. Bring to a gentle boil over medium-high heat. Add chicken, drained mushrooms, and chiles and simmer until chicken is cooked through. Reduce heat to low, add coconut milk, season with salt to taste, and allow it to heat up. Turn off heat and add fresh cilantro and lime juice and serve immediately.

T -7 Days And Counting

Today marks one week out from surgery (I can't believe how quickly the last month has flown!) and the jitters have definitely taken hold. My head has been all over the place this past week, with my emotions bouncing liberally between excited and anxious, happiness and fear. I guess that's to be expected with any major surgery, but I can say from experience it's not the most fun roller coaster ride. And I was never a fan of roller coasters to start.

The pre-op diet has not been easy to stick with. Especially when feeling emotional/stressed out and craving comfort food. I caved one day last week and had a small serving of mac n' cheese and it took me 3 days to get totally back on plan again. Clearly, all those things about carbs being "addictive" have some truth to them, even if the addictive part is all psychological. Since then, I've been on the look out for non-carb/fat laden comfort foods and have hit upon an old favorite: Tom Kar soup. It's essentially a Thai chicken soup with delicious flavors of Kaffir lime leaf, galangal, scallion, and coconut milk. Look for the recipe in tomorrow's post.

My short-term tumble off the wagon aside, the diet has been amazingly successful so far. (Not completely suprising since I'm eating less than half the calories each day that my body would require to maintain my current weight.) I've lost about 8lbs according to my bathroom scale, bringing me to 320.2 lbs. Pretty impressive for me in such a short amount of time (12 days.) Particularly given the fact that when I'm eating a diet that's a bit less drastically reduced in the calorie department I tend to lose weight at a rate of roughly 1/3rd to 1/2 pound per week...maybe.

Speaking of the pre-op diet, I burned through the vanilla torte flavored protein mix and a now trying the cappucino flavor. It's still a bit sweeter than I prefer, but it has a good strong coffee flavor with a bit of "creaminess" to imply the steamed milk on a real cappucino. I mixed it with my morning coffee yesterday morning because I had run out of milk and it was quite good. (I should also mention for those of you playing along at home that the "grab-n-go" individual serving packets in the link are more expensive than if you were to buy a 1 pound tub of the stuff. I haven't been buying the tubs of anything except the unflavored protein mix because I'm more likely to stick with the diet and drink the damn shakes if I can mix one up when I'm not at home.)

That's the exciting update....I'm off to enjoy the unseasonably warm December weather (55F!)

"So Why Do This?"

After the list of the changes that I'll have to make, some people may be wondering, "So Why Do This?" Oh, there are so many reasons! How much time do you have? LOL Here's a few:

1. I have an aneurysm in my ascending aorta (currently minor but still a terrifying prospect) and it would be better for me if I can keep my blood pressure under control (something that's easier to do when you're not drastically overweight)
2. I have hypertension
3. I have PCOS
4. I have insulin resistance (common w/PCOS)
5. I look in the mirror and the body I see does not reflect the person I am (and I hate it!)
6. My joints hurt from the excess weight and I'm in pain (granted, usually minor) all the time
7. I have tried literally everything to lose weight - up to and including Dr. Rx'd medication - and I've only lost 25 lbs.  That's less than 10% of my body weight.
8. I've seen first hand what years of obesity does to a person's quality of life (my mom)
9. One of my best friends from high school died 4 years ago at the age of 35 from a heart attack secondary to obesity
10. I want to have children and getting pregnant at my current weight with my current health conditions is dangerous, foolish, and dangerous.

I could go on, but that's a good start. I'm sure you get the picture.

None of these things really answers the question, though, does it? And it's such as simple question! It was posed to me the other day by my friend D and I found myself meandering through the above list, the science of how the surgery changes your body (pretty cool stuff if you're a geek like me), how the weight loss will positively impact the health issues I'm dealing with, and how I really want to have children and to do so at my weight is akin to sending out an engraved invitation to eclampsia and gestational diabetes. But again....does any of this actually answer the question? Not so much.

There's really only one simple, cohesive, coherent answer I can give: It's the best decision I can make for my health. Sure, there are loads of factors that went into making that decision but at the end of the day all that really matters is that I know I'm making the right decision for me and my life.

Vitamins and Blenders

This week I finally got around to ordering the calcium supplement and multivitamin that I'll be taking after surgery and they arrived today. I'm curious about the flavor of the calcium citrate chews, but I only bought exactly enough dosees for the first 30 days after surgery, so I'll have to wait to find out. The multis I've had before...they taste like a chalky orange creamsicle. Yum. *snort*

The real gem out of this shipment is the blender "bottle." It's more of a travel cup, IMO. Whatever you want to call, I call it a paragon of practical design! The lid screws down and the mouthpiece cover snaps in tightly, so you can dump in the liquid and the protein powder, batten down the hatches, and shake it all together. It has a spherical whisk inside - appropriately called a "blender ball" - that breaks up the protein powder as you shake with minimal bubbles, thus largely eliminating the foamy head problem of mixing the powder in a blender. (There were no lumps, either, unlike mixing with a spoon or fork.) I did a brief "antigravity" test (I turned it upside down and shook it for a few seconds) and there was nary a drop spilled, leading me to believe that there are possibilities of being able to prop this upright in my messenger bag with some liquid in it for protein shakes on the go. It's made by Sundesa, is BPA free, has liquid measurements imprinted on the side, and at around $7-$8, it's a good deal.

I may need to buy a few more. I can see this getting daily use.

Too Much of a Good Thing

I'm a little shy of a week into the pre-op diet and as I suspected might happen, I have become rather sick of the protein shakes. It's not that they taste bad - in fact, they are suprisingly good! - it's more than I'm not a big sweets person and never have been. I've always been more of a salt/fat/crunchy person when it comes to food. In the boxing match of chocolate vs. potato chips, potato chips always knocks chocolate outta the ring. So consuming a sweet/fruity type smoothie every day for breakfast is a bit much after a few days.

Yesterday it was freezing cold here (okay....upper 30s, but still!) and overcast and I had a chill in my bones and I just could not face another breakfast of cold/milky/sweet/fruity protein shake . So I cheated. I had an eggwhite omelette with 2 T. of low fat sharp cheddar and half of a pomegranate. Nutritionally it shakes out to around the same calories, a bit less protein, and a bit more fat. Not great, but one meal won't derail my whole world. (I keep telling myself this because I tend towards perfectionism and when things aren't perfect, I have a history of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.)

I put in a call to the nutritionist this afternoon and she suggested that I try the unflavored protein mixed into some plain oatmeal or really anything else I wanted. She said the main point was to keep it low calorie and eat enough protein to keep me satiated until the next meal without snacking. I ordered the unflavored whey isolate protein from Syntrax today from amazon (they have had the best prices so far with free shipping) and it should be here in a few days. I'm looking forward to some experimentation with it...I'm excited to see what the culinary possibilities may be!

Thanksgiving

I wasn't planning on posting today but then decided at the last minute to bring more than just pie to my brother's for the holiday. I've done a simple veggie roast of turnips, carrots, garlic, and lemons (recipe below - if you can even call it that) and my plan is to eat turnips in place of mashed today. I've concluded that one day won't make a huge difference on the pre-op diet as long as I don't go hog wild and part of that plan is that I am following the diet for the first hald the day. To that end, I had a protein fruit smoothie for breakfast and I'm having a frozen meal for lunch. The Thanksgiving meal is set for a bit later in the day (4:00 or 5:00ish) and that will be dinner.

Thanksgiving Veggie Roast

2 large turnips, peeled and cut into 1" cubes
3 heads of garlic, sliced in half
3 lbs. of carrots, cut into 2" chunks
3 lemons, sliced in half
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper

Preheat oven to 400F.

Lightly coat turnips, carrots, cut edges of the garlic and lemons and place on sheet pans so that nothing is too crowded. Roast 30-45 minutes, or until veggies are just tender. Veggies can be served room temperature or easily reheated.

And if you're thinking that roasted lemons sounds weird, trust me - they're divine!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Pre-op Diet Day 1

As the title suggests, I started the pre-op diet today. I don't know that I'll be posting every day of this diet, but the inaugural day seemed worth talking about.

Breakfast was a protein shake made according to the Weight Center instructions: 8-12 oz. low fat milk, 1 serving of whey protein supplement, and 1/2 cup fruit. I used the Syntrax Nectar-Sweet protein shake mix in the vanilla bean torte flavor and opted to add the half cup fruit directly to the shake to make it a smoothie.

For fruit, I used the Dole strawberry/banana/peach frozen blend (just frozen fruit, no sugar added). As a smoothie, it wasn't too bad. The protein mix has a distinct vanilla flavor without being too sweet and the strawberry and banana really shined through.

 

I did notice that the protein mix frothed a huge amount when put in the blender with the fruit and the foam didn't subside after a few minutes, but stuck around the entire time I was drinking the smoothie. The foam isn't a big deal right now, but I think it might be an issue after surgery (I can see it turning into stomach pain pretty easily). I've seen these mixer cups around, though....thinking that might be a good alternative to the blender. I won't be eating the fruit immediately after surgery anyway, so I'll only need to mix the shake with the water or milk.

I have a choice for snack of another protein shake or 1 serving of fruit. I'm thinking an apple might be more satisfying. Lunch and dinner are supposed to be 4-6 oz. lean protein and at least 1 cup of non-starchy veggies. The WC nutritionist also mentioned that I could eat low-cal frozen meals instead so I bought a few. I don't love frozen meals, but I I got them easy lunches...hopefully they don't suck. ;-)  It's almost lunchtime so I guess I'll get to find out soon!

I know it's a bit nuts to voluntarily start the pre-op diet earlier than they told me (and the day before Thanksgiving, no less! I'm cooking for the holiday today and the smell of pecan burbon pie is Killing. Me.) but somehow it just seems to make sense to my brain to insert some order into the chaos of food around the holidays by starting a little early. And I figure that a little extra practice at this whole structured eating thing and my new lifestyle around - well everything - but food in particular, might be a good idea. Sometimes change comes slowly. I have a feeling this may be one of those times.

The Easy Way

While I thankfully have a life full of supportive, loving, people I have occasionally heard comments (not directed at me - even obliquely - but  in social situations and from a few people in university classes) that surgery is the "easy way" to lose weight. To all those people I say: You can salt and pepper my ass and prepare to bite me.

There is absolutely nothing easy about making the decision to put yourself under the surgeon's knife, knowing full well that you will never eat or drink like you used to again. That bears repeating: There is absolutely nothing easy about making the decision to put yourself under the surgeon's knife. Regardless of the reasons or the benefits.

(Notice I don't say that I'll never eat and drink "normally" because, in fact, after healing from the bypass surgery the eating I'll be doing is far closer to "normal" than how I've ever eaten before.) I'm rather looking forward to it, if I'm being honest. Not so much the surgery, or the pain, or the swelling, or the fatigue, or the IVs (ick! I hate the way the IV catheter feels in my arm!), or the liquid diet for 2-4 weeks afterwards...none of that. But I'm looking forward to being more comfortable in my own skin. To not feeling like I'm fighting with my body for every ounce I manage to lose - because that's basically what losing weight with PCOS is like. It's like being Maltese during the seige of Malta while being attacked by the Turkish empire. Hopelessly outgunned and laughably undermanned. In a word: Screwed. Yeah, I'm looking forward to being able to eat reasonable portions, exercise like a human being, and lose weight. Yanno....like "normal" people. There's that word again.

Which leads me to my next bit of business: The weight I am currently. I haven't mentioned it, have I? Hm. Well, no time like the present to come out of the obesity closet.

Height: 5'7"
Highest Weight: 347.8
Highest BMI: 54.5
Current Weight: 328.6
Current BMI: 51.5

Current Measurements: Bust: 53", Waist: 47" Hips 58", R Thigh: 35"

There we go! How's that for the ugly truth of the matter?

I start the pre-op diet on Wednesday (right before Thanksgiving!), so I'll have to wait and see what changes with these numbers between starting the diet and the date of surgery.

Breaking News

This week the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) sent out a notification to doctors and hospitals telling them that after running extensive government-funded ;-)  tests, they have determined that it is possible to measurably lower the incidence of post-surgical wound infection if patients (meaning yours truly) will just deign to bathe in this fabulous antimicrobial soap for 2 days before, and the day of, surgery.

I'm all for preventing infections, particularly in my body, but this is some uninviting - dare I say nasty - stuff. It smells like a hospital and you have to wash with it like you're in the army. That means soak down, turn off the water, scrub with it from the neck and moving downwards all over (except face and the lady bits) for at least 5 minutes, and then rinse off. No washing with your regular soap afterwards. The day of surgery you can't use your regular deodorant, etc. either.

Admit it, you envy me. :-)

Marching Orders

I got my marching orders for the pre-op "liver shrinking" diet this week. I am under the impression that not everyone who goes through this surgery is on a diet like this and it's apparently unique to the docs at the Weight Center. It's relatively simple and focused on rapid weight loss for a short period of time...protein shakes and lean protein and veggies and a small amount of fruit and no sweets, starches, or fats for about 2 Weeks before surgery. I'm given to understand that it's the weight loss effected by such a diet that causes the liver to shrink, thus affording the surgeon more space to maneuver in my gut. And if he wants more space, he's welcome to it! Giving my liver a wide berth with his scalpel sounds like a fabulous idea and if I need to eat cardboard for a month to make that happen, so be it! This diet really isn't that bad. Just because it's healthy and low calorie doesn't mean it has to be low flavor. I'm thinking that some chicken beat marinated in lemon and garlic and then grilled would be very nice. And kale...I could totally do something tasty with kale! I'll let the cooking gears grind away for a bit, but in the mean time, I was thinking that I might start the diet a few days early. Technically, they told me to start it on November 26th, but I'm thinking I might start it on the 20th. I know, I know...go through Thanksgiving on this diet when I don't have to?! Yes. I'm thinking of it as a dry run for life after surgery. Plus, it gives me an extra 6 days to shrink my liver for the surgeon. That can't be a bad thing.

Changes, They Are A Comin'

As I edge closer and closer to my surgical date, the many less-monumental changes that will happen in my life are beginning to solidify for me. I say less-monumental because they aren't the Big Huge changes like the surgery, itself, or the accompanying weight loss. Instead, it's the smaller but more daily changes I'm thinking about. There's a whole list of things that will leave my life for either a very long time or forever after surgery.

Now, I know that there is a lot of controversy and different docs have different things that they tell their patients, but this is what my doc has told me, and I plan to listen.

1. I'll be sipping water from the moment I wake to the moment I go to bed every day, forever, to prevent dehydration (a minimum of 64 oz. daily!)
2. I'll have to take vitamin supplements every day for the rest of my life to fend off malnutrition, anemia, and osteoporosis
3. Quarterly blood draws to ensure appropriate vitamin/mineral levels
4. My (currently mild) lactose-intolerance could very likely get more pronounced
5. No gum (If I accidentally swallow it, I'll end up back on the surgeon's table.)
6. No soda (It can expand the stomach "pouch." If I'm having surgery to make my stomach smaller, I'm not doing anything to counteract that, period.)
7. No alcohol (I hardly drink anyway, so no great loss) - though I've heard from one doc that this is only for the first year, I've also heard from another doc that it's best to just never drink again.
8. No time-released meds
9. Risk of stomach ulcers
10. Smaller portions
11. Very few sweets, fats, and carbs - a diet emphasizing veggies and protein
12. A more active lifestyle with daily exercise

I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff or there are things I don't know about yet, but that's quite enough all on its own, isn't it? Deep breath. I can do this.

That Was Fast!

I ordered a MedCenter from Amazon on Friday and it arrived this morning!

It's monstrous, isn't it? It's takes up about 12" of real estate on my counter, but the organizational benefits outweigh the space costs. I'm a visually oriented person and having a Big Visual Cue to take my vitamin supplements every day after surgery (and for the rest of my life) is perfect. I like that it allows me to fill a month at a time and I can get my meds filled for 90 days at a stretch ( 90 day Rx = fewer copays) and I can buy my vitamins in giant bottles and I'll know way ahead of time if I need to order refills. Each red square is actually the end of a tube (one for each day of the month) with 4 compartments (for 4x daily dosing) and the other end is marked in green. That way you can put them in the holder green-end-up when they are full and turn them red-end-up as you take your vitamins each day and the tubes are emptied. When I refill my meds this week, I think I'll make the transition to using this system.

Beating the Bushes

I think, given that today marks the 30 day count-down to surgery, that it's a good day to start beating out some of those long ingrained and ultimately unhealthy behaviors that won't help me in the future. Namely: Eating too fast and not chewing my food thoroughly. (I do chew my food, just not the way you have to chew it after surgery, when you're stomach's full of sutures and can't do it's normal digestive churning as well as usual.) In other words, it's time to make mindful eating a daily practice.

The lovely people at the Weight Center (WC) have given me a sheet containing a mindful eating exercise that I confess I have not tried, nor even finished reading through. Each time I start to read it, my eyes glaze over and my brain starts thinking of other things. I dunno what that's about, but I'm not going to fight it. I think there are other mindful eating exercises I can come up with that will do just as well. After all, the point is to slow down, pay attention, chew completely, and enjoy right? Right.

I think I'll start by reminding myself of a few salient points at the beginning of (and as often as necessary throughout) the meal.

1. I've taken the time and trouble to cook something delicious, it's foolish not to enjoy the result of my efforts.
2. Eating a meal is not a race.
3. The food will still be there when I'm ready for the next bite.
4. If other people finish their meal before me, no big deal - we're eating together to enjoy each other's company and conversation (refer to item #2).
5. My stomach does not have teeth. It cannot chew my food for me.

There! I think that's a good start. And now I'm off to brunch with my lovely wife and my friend Sally, so I'll have an opportunity to put this into immediate practice.

So Much To Do

As I have begun to wade into the fray of surgical prep, I'm realizing the vast number of minute details that need to be attended to and just...stuff that needs to get done. After 45 minutes of my brain buzzing through all this junk last night, I finally got out of bed and hauled out a Moleskine (do you know about Moleskine? I luuuuurve me some Moleskine!) and began writing a list. Getting it out of my head and onto paper definitely helped me get to sleep, but for every item I check off, there's about 3 more I add. It's getting a little ridiculous. I keep reminding myself that this can't continue forever, though, and it's just part of the ride.

Here's the list (so far):

The list isn't really prioritized, though there are definitely priorities. For starters, buying the protien supplement has to come soon because it's part of the pre-op diet I have to start on November 20th. And the power of attorney and healthcare proxy are top priorities, too, of course. I know a haircut may seem a little irrelevant, but it's been about 6 months since I've had a proper haiorcut and the ends are all dry and gross and my life will be easier if I take off about 3 inches. Eliminating hassles for after surgery seems like a good thing, all in all.

I attended the first of 2 nutrition groups for pre-op patients last Thursday. It was a lot of information I already knew - the need to stay hydrated after surgery, the required calcium and multivitamin supplements that must be purchased, etc. - but it was good to hear it all again. The nutritionist gave us each this massive binder full of tabs and not much else and told us that we will be getting materials to add to it at each subsequent nutrition group until we eventually have a binder that is a complete guide to life after gastric bypass. Pretty neat.

I'm feeling a bit less overwhelmed today as things have started to settle down in my brain. I still feel a mix of anxiety and happiness, but I don't feel like there's a pile of granite pebbles raining down on my skull anymore. Improvement! I'll take it.

Holy Crap!

After two years of jumping through hoops and playing nice-nice with the docs on my team at the Weight Center (WC), I finally had a consult with the gastric bypass surgeon today....and I was approved! Woo!

I left Dr. H's office and walked directly into the surgical scheduling office, where I was given a date for surgery (December 10th! AYFKM?! That's 37 freakin days yo!) and a piece of paper with no less than 10 apointments on it that I absolutely positively Must. Not. miss between now and surgery. Isn't it pretty? (Pardon the blur.)

I was then informed that they needed to do a blood draw (roughly a dozen vials, but who's counting?) which process went quickly pear-shaped due to the fact that a) I have veins that roll, and b) I was slightly dehydrated. So, after about 8 sticks, the MA had only gotten half the vials filled and we had to give up. I'll have to try it all over again when I go back next week for the first of what will be many nutrition groups.

I'm totally crazy right now. I'm elated that after years (like...I dunno 6? 8?) of research and fence-sitting about whether I wanted surgery, followed by two years of working with the WC team and trying everything from therapy and support groups to medication and nutrition counselling (and losing a very reputable, but modest, 25 lbs. in the process) that I've finally been approved! Two years was a long time and self-doubt and insecurity had ample opportunity to rear their ugly montrous little heads, but they have been bashed like Whack-A-Mole!

At the same time, I'm completely - I mean totally - overwhelmed. The minute I left the WC today it was as if all those unknowns and the details of life change that I will have to make...all the adjustments I will have to accommodate within my life, within myself came raining down on me like so many wet, clinging snowflakes. And I started Freaking Out. I mean, crying-on-the-phone-to-my-wife-snot-on-my-face-while-I-sit-in-a-public-courtyard-outside-the-WC-office-building freaking out. To get the complete picture, I should add that I was sitting immediately opposite the glass storefront for a burrito restaurant with a lunch bar along the window where several people were sitting and eating (this being the height of the lunch rush). I'm not a Make Scenes in Public kinda gal. Really, really not. Not usually, anyway.

It started with me telling her that because of the date of the surgery, we have to cancel our trip to visit my family in FL over Christmas (no travel for at least 3 weeks after surgery), which really sucks. And I had just gotten off the phone with Dad who had been understanding, saying my health comes first, but he sounded as bummed as I felt. And then I realized that after I start losing weight my wedding rings won't fit and that is what did it! I know it's a silly small thing but I really love my rings. They are the only jewelry I wear every day and they represent so much to me.....it just really set me off and I was crying and snotting all over the place. Yes, I am totally aware that they can be resized. It's not really the point. The point is that my whole life will have to be resized. And that's just.....well, that's a big fucking proposition, now isn't it?