The Final 48 Hours

I'm in the final 48 hours before surgery. Woo! (sorta) It's been relatively sedate so far...did a little bookkeeping work this morning; getting the laundry done and cleaning the house this evening (I took a nap in the afternoon.)

The surgical prep has entered it's final stage and since a picture is worth 1,000 words, how's about a 2,000 word summary? My weekend in 2 images:

 

 

Enough said? Yeah, I thought so. ;)

T -7 Days And Counting

Today marks one week out from surgery (I can't believe how quickly the last month has flown!) and the jitters have definitely taken hold. My head has been all over the place this past week, with my emotions bouncing liberally between excited and anxious, happiness and fear. I guess that's to be expected with any major surgery, but I can say from experience it's not the most fun roller coaster ride. And I was never a fan of roller coasters to start.

The pre-op diet has not been easy to stick with. Especially when feeling emotional/stressed out and craving comfort food. I caved one day last week and had a small serving of mac n' cheese and it took me 3 days to get totally back on plan again. Clearly, all those things about carbs being "addictive" have some truth to them, even if the addictive part is all psychological. Since then, I've been on the look out for non-carb/fat laden comfort foods and have hit upon an old favorite: Tom Kar soup. It's essentially a Thai chicken soup with delicious flavors of Kaffir lime leaf, galangal, scallion, and coconut milk. Look for the recipe in tomorrow's post.

My short-term tumble off the wagon aside, the diet has been amazingly successful so far. (Not completely suprising since I'm eating less than half the calories each day that my body would require to maintain my current weight.) I've lost about 8lbs according to my bathroom scale, bringing me to 320.2 lbs. Pretty impressive for me in such a short amount of time (12 days.) Particularly given the fact that when I'm eating a diet that's a bit less drastically reduced in the calorie department I tend to lose weight at a rate of roughly 1/3rd to 1/2 pound per week...maybe.

Speaking of the pre-op diet, I burned through the vanilla torte flavored protein mix and a now trying the cappucino flavor. It's still a bit sweeter than I prefer, but it has a good strong coffee flavor with a bit of "creaminess" to imply the steamed milk on a real cappucino. I mixed it with my morning coffee yesterday morning because I had run out of milk and it was quite good. (I should also mention for those of you playing along at home that the "grab-n-go" individual serving packets in the link are more expensive than if you were to buy a 1 pound tub of the stuff. I haven't been buying the tubs of anything except the unflavored protein mix because I'm more likely to stick with the diet and drink the damn shakes if I can mix one up when I'm not at home.)

That's the exciting update....I'm off to enjoy the unseasonably warm December weather (55F!)

Marching Orders

I got my marching orders for the pre-op "liver shrinking" diet this week. I am under the impression that not everyone who goes through this surgery is on a diet like this and it's apparently unique to the docs at the Weight Center. It's relatively simple and focused on rapid weight loss for a short period of time...protein shakes and lean protein and veggies and a small amount of fruit and no sweets, starches, or fats for about 2 Weeks before surgery. I'm given to understand that it's the weight loss effected by such a diet that causes the liver to shrink, thus affording the surgeon more space to maneuver in my gut. And if he wants more space, he's welcome to it! Giving my liver a wide berth with his scalpel sounds like a fabulous idea and if I need to eat cardboard for a month to make that happen, so be it! This diet really isn't that bad. Just because it's healthy and low calorie doesn't mean it has to be low flavor. I'm thinking that some chicken beat marinated in lemon and garlic and then grilled would be very nice. And kale...I could totally do something tasty with kale! I'll let the cooking gears grind away for a bit, but in the mean time, I was thinking that I might start the diet a few days early. Technically, they told me to start it on November 26th, but I'm thinking I might start it on the 20th. I know, I know...go through Thanksgiving on this diet when I don't have to?! Yes. I'm thinking of it as a dry run for life after surgery. Plus, it gives me an extra 6 days to shrink my liver for the surgeon. That can't be a bad thing.

So Much To Do

As I have begun to wade into the fray of surgical prep, I'm realizing the vast number of minute details that need to be attended to and just...stuff that needs to get done. After 45 minutes of my brain buzzing through all this junk last night, I finally got out of bed and hauled out a Moleskine (do you know about Moleskine? I luuuuurve me some Moleskine!) and began writing a list. Getting it out of my head and onto paper definitely helped me get to sleep, but for every item I check off, there's about 3 more I add. It's getting a little ridiculous. I keep reminding myself that this can't continue forever, though, and it's just part of the ride.

Here's the list (so far):

The list isn't really prioritized, though there are definitely priorities. For starters, buying the protien supplement has to come soon because it's part of the pre-op diet I have to start on November 20th. And the power of attorney and healthcare proxy are top priorities, too, of course. I know a haircut may seem a little irrelevant, but it's been about 6 months since I've had a proper haiorcut and the ends are all dry and gross and my life will be easier if I take off about 3 inches. Eliminating hassles for after surgery seems like a good thing, all in all.

I attended the first of 2 nutrition groups for pre-op patients last Thursday. It was a lot of information I already knew - the need to stay hydrated after surgery, the required calcium and multivitamin supplements that must be purchased, etc. - but it was good to hear it all again. The nutritionist gave us each this massive binder full of tabs and not much else and told us that we will be getting materials to add to it at each subsequent nutrition group until we eventually have a binder that is a complete guide to life after gastric bypass. Pretty neat.

I'm feeling a bit less overwhelmed today as things have started to settle down in my brain. I still feel a mix of anxiety and happiness, but I don't feel like there's a pile of granite pebbles raining down on my skull anymore. Improvement! I'll take it.

Holy Crap!

After two years of jumping through hoops and playing nice-nice with the docs on my team at the Weight Center (WC), I finally had a consult with the gastric bypass surgeon today....and I was approved! Woo!

I left Dr. H's office and walked directly into the surgical scheduling office, where I was given a date for surgery (December 10th! AYFKM?! That's 37 freakin days yo!) and a piece of paper with no less than 10 apointments on it that I absolutely positively Must. Not. miss between now and surgery. Isn't it pretty? (Pardon the blur.)

I was then informed that they needed to do a blood draw (roughly a dozen vials, but who's counting?) which process went quickly pear-shaped due to the fact that a) I have veins that roll, and b) I was slightly dehydrated. So, after about 8 sticks, the MA had only gotten half the vials filled and we had to give up. I'll have to try it all over again when I go back next week for the first of what will be many nutrition groups.

I'm totally crazy right now. I'm elated that after years (like...I dunno 6? 8?) of research and fence-sitting about whether I wanted surgery, followed by two years of working with the WC team and trying everything from therapy and support groups to medication and nutrition counselling (and losing a very reputable, but modest, 25 lbs. in the process) that I've finally been approved! Two years was a long time and self-doubt and insecurity had ample opportunity to rear their ugly montrous little heads, but they have been bashed like Whack-A-Mole!

At the same time, I'm completely - I mean totally - overwhelmed. The minute I left the WC today it was as if all those unknowns and the details of life change that I will have to make...all the adjustments I will have to accommodate within my life, within myself came raining down on me like so many wet, clinging snowflakes. And I started Freaking Out. I mean, crying-on-the-phone-to-my-wife-snot-on-my-face-while-I-sit-in-a-public-courtyard-outside-the-WC-office-building freaking out. To get the complete picture, I should add that I was sitting immediately opposite the glass storefront for a burrito restaurant with a lunch bar along the window where several people were sitting and eating (this being the height of the lunch rush). I'm not a Make Scenes in Public kinda gal. Really, really not. Not usually, anyway.

It started with me telling her that because of the date of the surgery, we have to cancel our trip to visit my family in FL over Christmas (no travel for at least 3 weeks after surgery), which really sucks. And I had just gotten off the phone with Dad who had been understanding, saying my health comes first, but he sounded as bummed as I felt. And then I realized that after I start losing weight my wedding rings won't fit and that is what did it! I know it's a silly small thing but I really love my rings. They are the only jewelry I wear every day and they represent so much to me.....it just really set me off and I was crying and snotting all over the place. Yes, I am totally aware that they can be resized. It's not really the point. The point is that my whole life will have to be resized. And that's just.....well, that's a big fucking proposition, now isn't it?