Random Thoughts

I've been reading a lot on message boards and communitiers devoted to Weight Loss Surgery lately and I've noticed a very all-or-nothing attitude from many posters. Now, I'm not knocking it. If it works for you, then that's what you should do. But that view has never really worked for me. I approached things differently because whenever I give myself hard rules and then I don't follow them perfectly, I end up beating myself up about it and feeling crappy and then making further choices that aren't helpful to my goals. (Notice I didn't say "bad choices." That's because thinking in terms of "Good" and "Bad" gets me in mental/emotional trouble.)

So, I approach it by looking at every meal, every bite of every meal, as an opportunity for me to decide to move toward my goals...or away from them. There are still Rules - it's WLS and lifestyle changes after all - but I give myself permission to not be perfect at following the rules. I aim to follow the rules and make decisions that bring me closer to my goals at least 80% of the time. More is better, but less is okay as long as it doesn't develop into a multi-day trend. For instance, I was craving chocolate in the worst way last week. Instead of torturing myself with NO chocolate (I didn't have anything sugar/fat free that was chocolate flavored in the house), I allowed myself to have 8 morsels of the Ghirardelli 70% Cacao chocolate morsels - the little chips that you can buy in the bags to make cookies. I ate them 1 at a time and let them melt slowly in my mouth and it was heaven. It killed the craving, I didn't feel deprived, and I also didn't feel the need to beat myself up about it. In fact, I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment that I was able to limit my portion to an appropriate amount and still enjoy it! Obviously, I can't do that every day, but allowing myself to do it once and really enjoying the experience, was a new and liberating thing for me. I felt less like food was in control, and more like I was in control of the food (and my body.)

As far as the Food Mourning issue goes...I'll tell you that it doesn't stop with surgery. I had it come and go for months before surgery and now 2-3 times in the 9 weeks since surgery. I've been dealing with it by just giving myself permission to feel sad and angry, no matter how "silly" it may seem. I communicate what's going on to my docs, close friends, and wife so that they can support me.

I think it's easy to forget that even after a major life change like WLS, we are still the same people with the same lives/issues/challenges that we were before the surgery - for all the good AND the bad of it. It's easy to fall into a pattern that life will be rosy after surgery....we'll be thin and attractive and everything will be perfect! But it's just not how life works and it can be a major disappointment when that sinks in after you get through the initial recovery and start to feel physically better. For instance, I'm still a person that really doesn't enjoy exercising, even though I do enjoy how it makes me feel. I still love bread. I don't eat it much these days (or at all, really) but I still love it. And I miss it. But I have to just ride it out like surfing a wave. I smell freshly baked bread from a bakery and I allow myself to feel sad and miss it. And then I move on. Sometimes I have to give myself a mental push to move on from the sad feelings, but I do it because it's a decision to do it. I make a decision to allow myself to feel sad, but then I also make a decision to not allow myself to get bogged down in it.